5 Tips for Dating With ADHD
Let’s be honest, dating in general can be challenging. Between dating apps, social media and a pandemic, it is safe to say it can feel as though the odds are stacked against us when it comes to dating.
Enter ADHD. Someone with ADHD is already working harder than someone who does not have it, just to manage their normal day to day tasks. Dating, although it can be exhilarating and fun, becomes one more thing to manage.
Before we get into 5 tips on dating with ADHD, let’s first discuss just why it is so challenging in the first place.
Reasons Why Dating With ADHD Can Be Hard
Forgetting things the other person asks you to do.
Dating comes with many tasks. At the beginning it might be “call me at this time.” Later on in a relationship it might be “take out the garbage.” For someone with ADHD, executive functioning tasks such as organization and memory can be more difficult. Forgetting to do what the other person asks can put a strain on the relationship.
Hyper-fixation on negative things.
Hyper-fixation is when you become completely absorbed in one thing, to the point that nothing else matters. This can look like focusing on one thing that is wrong and ignoring the good. This can make it hard to look at the big picture of things.
Dating is one more thing to put energy into.
People with ADHD can easily feel “burned out” from all the things that they have to put energy into. Dating requires a lot of energy. This is both physical and emotional energy. Talk about draining!
Poor self-esteem.
Living with ADHD and having to work harder at certain things can take a toll on our self-esteem. This can make dating more challenging.
It can be hard to find the balance between things.
This can look like all-or-nothing thinking. In other words if something is not perfect then it must be horrible. It can be really hard to find the “gray area.”
Listening can be hard!
Relationships require a ton of communication. For someone with ADHD, this can present its own challenges. You might get easily distracted. Or you might not remember what you said previously.
5 Tips for Dating with ADHD
Write things down!
Lists and post-it notes are your friends. Use them! This can make the simple day to day tasks easier to remember. A calendar can also be a useful tool for managing anniversaries and dates to remember. You can also ask your partner to leave you notes when they need something. This can help take some of the strain off both of you.
2. Remember that you are always evolving and it’s important to continue to learn and grow as a person.
This can help boost your self-confidence which is so important in a relationship. Using affirmations can be helpful as well. More often than not we are way too hard on ourselves and that can carry over into a relationship. Love yourself so you can love someone else!
3. Challenge your negative thoughts.
This is so important when you have ADHD, because hyperfixation on the bad stuff is real! Sometimes we need to check the facts to remember what is really the truth about ourselves or our partner. We also need to look at the big picture. Talking over negative thoughts with a therapist can be super helpful as well.
4. Make sure to take some alone time.
We all need to recharge our social batteries from time to time. When you have ADHD, this can be even more true. This is because of the feeling of overwhelm that can come from social interactions. Finding some healthy coping skills to do on your own can be extremely helpful as well.
5. Schedule your time and do your most challenging tasks of the day at the point where you have the most energy.
This will help you to feel less drained. Getting stuff done when you have ADHD can be hard, but not impossible, you just have to find the ways that work best for you.
Navigating stress with ADHD is not an easy feat, and relationships come with their fair share of stress. A support system can make all the difference. We are here to help address these symptoms of ADHD and the difficulty with navigating relationships. Finding the right therapist to work through what you are feeling can make all the difference in the world. Let’s schedule your free 15 minute consultation today!
