Suicide and 5 Things A Therapist Wants You To Know
When a celebrity commits suicide, it can effect people in different ways. For some people we might think how could someone that is seemingly so happy, do that to themselves? For other people we might think about the people that are close to us that have had symptoms of depression before. (Depression therapy can help!) And for some people it might be more that we have felt that way at some point in our lives.
Because of television, movies and social media, it has become easier and easier to feel like celebrities are a part of our lives. They are integrated into our day to day existence and with the presence of social media, we now know even more about their personal lives. You take someone like tWitch and you see his seemingly happy life, with his wife and kids. You see someone who makes everyone else around him happy with his dancing. You might think, how could someone like that commit suicide?
Depression is not just what you see…
Depression is not always something that you see on the surface. Sometimes someone can feel depressed and continue to go about their day-to-day life. They can continue to take care of the people around them, they can continue to take care of themselves, they can make you laugh, they can dance, they can have energy. Depression affects everyone differently. You might hear this be called High Functioning Depression. This is also not to say that everyone that does those things is also depressed.
We all find ways to cope throughout our lives with our day-to-day stress and struggles. Sometimes these are healthy coping skills such as meditation, deep breathing, exercise and other ways of self-soothing or distracting ourselves. Sometimes these can be unhealthy coping skills like using drugs or alcohol, self-harm or negative self-talk. Either way these are ways that help us to feel like we can get through the day. Often someone can live with suicidal thoughts for a long time, and not act on them because they have found these ways to get through life. Sometimes life can become too much and their coping skills are no longer enough.
Suicidal Ideation, What is it?
Suicidal ideation is any suicidal thoughts or ideas someone has. This can include wishes, preoccupations or contemplations of suicide. There is a difference between passive and active suicidal ideation. Passive suicidal ideation is when you think about wanting to die or be dead, but you do not have a plan or active intent to do so. You might hear someone say “I don’t feel like my life is worth living, but I am not going to do anything about it.” Active suicidal ideation is when you have plan to end your life and the intent to do so. The person with active suicidal thoughts no longer has the will to live. Both passive and active suicidal thoughts should be taken very seriously. Sometimes someone with ongoing depression can live with passive suicidal thoughts for a long time, and never act on them, but having a safe place to talk about how they are feeling is extremely important.
I work with people who have suicidal thoughts and so often I hear “I have never told anyone this because I don’t want to be judged and I feel so alone like no one will get it.” As a therapist here are a couple things I want you to know:
You are not alone. Every second of every day someone in the world is feeling that way. There are so many people that do get it. This might be a therapist, family, friends or support group.
We aren’t judging you. As a therapist we are trained to deal with suicidal thoughts and feelings. We are here to keep you safe and figure out what is going to help.
Therapists can help educate your family members. We don’t want you to feel alone in how you are feeling outside of session. Let’s be honest, 45 minutes a week isn’t always enough.
There is support beyond therapy. Sometimes this could be a hospital, if you are in a crisis or unable to keep yourself safe. This could also be a support group or medication that is prescribed by a psychiatrist who understands suicidality.
Suicidal thoughts and feelings can and will get better with the right help. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is one type of therapy that can be helpful. It is a concrete set of skills that helps you manage the intensity of your emotions as well as learn how to tolerate distress.
Lastly, I want to remind the people that are reading this and thinking about someone else in their lives that might feel this way. You might have heard the saying lately “check on your strong friends.” This is true. People hide depression all the time. Make sure you take the time to connect with the people you love and care about. Don’t be afraid to have tough conversations. I challenge you to not only check on your strong friends, but check on your funny friends, your happy friends, your sarcastic friends, your sad friends, your anxious friends. Check on everyone because you won’t regret checking in and making that connection with someone. We are all human, we all struggle, it just looks different for different people.
Disclaimer: Suicide is a heavy topic and one that needs to be talked about more. This article is not to replace therapy or other forms of help. Here are some other resources that can be helpful:
Suicide Hotline: https://988lifeline.org/ (website)
Dial: 988 (Phone)
Therapists are here to help. Psychiatrists are here to help. We want you to know that you can be ok even if you are feeling this way right now. The first step is to reach out for help. We know that might feel impossible right now, but your life is worth living. Let us help you live it!
